i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
