So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
