I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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