my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
