My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Actions speak louder than pants.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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