When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
