im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
