whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
