its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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