Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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