What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
