Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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