winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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