Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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