shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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