He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
