I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
vagina is talking i cant
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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