hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
