Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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