somebody snuck up and got me drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
