she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
