dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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