next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
