and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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