So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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