I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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