fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
