I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
