I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
