By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He passed out mid-signature
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
