Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
