FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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