I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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