i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize