I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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