im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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