So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
