you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
