he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
