I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
