Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I will be naked everywhere
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
