I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
