She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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