Swine flu. Run for my life!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
