I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
