He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
