They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize