I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
