good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
