Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
