he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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