does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
