I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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