i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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