I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
