I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
