Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
