The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
