i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
