My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
