when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize