Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
