Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize