There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
