haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
