last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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