grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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