I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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