the condom got lost in my hair
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
