Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
